It has been a week since my last post, but, true to my word, I’m coming back today with a weekly post that will last until the bulk of lockdown protocols are lifted. Hoping that this will happen in time for me to have a bit of a break before my yearly December posts, but only time will tell.
I was reading a fascinating article on the CNN website today about a rare medical condition called Body Integrity Dismorphia (BID). Persons suffering from this disease feel disassociated with one or more of their limbs and can only feel complete in their bodies if the limb is removed. The full article can be found here with a better explanation of the science than I can provide, but generally, the wiring of the brain is insufficiently tied to a limb giving that appendage a feeling of “extra-ness” even if the limb is fully controlled by the nervous system and acts normally. Just as we would feel uncomfortable with an extra appendage strapped to our bodies, people with BID feel “less whole” while the limb is attached.
Trying to picture what this might be like, I keep thinking of those moments when we wake after sleeping on an arm. The limb bangs against our bodies essentially lifeless as we experience the queer sensation of feeling the arm hit on our bodies but not on the arm. The key difference appears that those suffering this condition do feel and have control of the limb, yet at some deeper level it feels foreign. Some BID patients are able to get amputations, and the medical literature cites that these feel immense relief and regret that they did not do this sooner. Those unable to have amputations often simulate amputation with crutches or wheelchair. There is no known treatment for this condition.
While clearly this is a disorder, and those very few who suffer from it need care and empathy, still I can’t help but connect it to broader realities of the world. what fascinated me more than anything else was the description of BID sufferers feeling not “burdened” or “hampered” by the disassociated limb, but “incomplete” or not “whole.” The concept that wholeness or completion is not only all the things that are needed, but also none of the things that aren’t appeals to me. Perhaps this is why I periodically feel the need to rid myself of possessions. Obviously I feel lighter carrying less through life, but I’m also more complete without the things that aren’t essential.